Friday, June 28, 2013

Dana - Day 6: Fear and Weakness

Weakness!

Today has been the most difficult so far.  I'm feeling very weak-willed.  It seems like everywhere I look there is food.  The people around me, on the radio, on the tv, driving home or just wherever.  At work, we have a lunch meeting on Wednesdays.  It was VERY difficult to sit there while everyone else was eating those delicious looking wraps stuffed with turkey, roast beef, cheese, tomatoes.... you get the picture.  And then, I come home and my wonderful mom has a pot of green beans cooking on the stove.  My stomach is rumbling just thinking about it.  I'm certainly aware that others around me have to eat - maybe I could just go around with nose plugs or something.

Fear!

I was thinking about this the other night.  It was a thought that came to me out of nowhere but that struck a chord with me.  I realized that I'm afraid of being hungry.  Or rather, I have this deep-seated fear of going without food or somehow not having access to food.  I wondered if that was possibly the reason that I have felt the need to eat, even when I'm not hungry.  I think making this lifestyle change is more than just changing my eating habits and choosing the right foods.  I think the majority of the change must be psychological.  It's about changing the way I think and feel about food.  I must come to terms with the fact that I don't NEED to snack or eat to feel better.  And I need to believe and understand that I won't starve between meals and that there will be a next meal.

I'm not sure where this fear originated from.  I didn't grow up being hungry.  In fact, my quite large and loving family always seems to have food around.  I admit that there have been times in the last few years when I have wondered if we (my husband and I) would be able to afford to buy groceries.  After being separated from the military with only 5 weeks notice and no job prospects, those things suddenly become serious concerns.  Even so, we have never gone without food.

So, today I struggle.  Mightily.  But, I'm not giving in yet.

Here's to my health... and yours!

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